Have no fear, because we are here to talk about your... fear!? While the rime is not great, I think fear is a theme that deserves more attention, in a way that we should talk about it and try to live with it, rather then trying to hide it under our mental rug. And so, the thing that inspired me to write about it, is this quote I found the other days (and you know how inspiring quotes can change your life for a few minutes and also give you an AHA moment), that reminded me of a doer mindset I’m trying to adopt.
The quote was: Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art. (Andy Warhol)
And reading that, got me thinking about my fear. Specifically my fear of creating things or “art” and putting them out there for the world to see or interact with. I sometimes feel stuck when I'm about to go from the idea stage to the actual doing, more when it comes to my projects. And so, my projects stay hidden from the world for years. I’m (almost) sure many of you do this too, hide your passion projects or ideas from the world from pure irrational fear (and yes! we know it’s irrational), thinking that they are not good enough or worse, that you are not good enough! And just writing this now, got me really thinking about how the f** did we got to this point where we dis-consider ourselves so much?
Make your own mantras
Coming back to my life-changing quote, it led me to have a mini-epiphany about fear. And it simply said to me that fear of starting something is ridiculous. Why is this fear of judgement so great? Or this idea that everything we do has to be perfect, while we paralyze ourselves in an imagined possible worst-case scenario of acting out our ideas? Although we know the answer, it’s so ingrained in our unconscious mind, that it still has power over us. But I believe that by even letting these words out now, I am showing my fear that she has not won yet.
So, to slowly get out of my head, and into my life, I set up two rules or fun mantras for myself.
1. Fear is Ridiculous
The first one is based on humor and pure magic. If you are a Harry Potter fan like me, you’ll know this is inspired from the spell “Ridiculous” where students are taught to transform their fears into something ridiculous and silly. Using humor is a well-know strategy to change your interpretation of a situation, and a pretty powerful one too. So next time your fear is stopping you from acting out, just put the “Fear is Ridiculous” spell into practice.
Moreover, fear is ridiculous in cases where it stops you from doing those things that you know you can do. Like in my case, doing a workshop, putting my website out there, making a podcast. Yes, it’s not gonna be great in the beginning, but how I am supposed to get better if I don’t start, if I don’t put myself out there?
Continue to do your “art”, apply ridiculous spell to your fear and go for it.
2. Excuses are bullshit
The second rule is also powerful. It’s called “Excuses are bullshit”. This one I took it from “The Achievement Habit”. Our brain invents so many excuses just to stay in the comfort zone, just to rationale and convince you that your state it’s ok and that other people will judge and trow rocks at you if you start something. But it’s so not true. I understand we all had negative experiences where we got some negative feedback, or people got upset. But you are not placed on this Earth to make everyone happy. And I’m sure you had experiences where people were enthusiastic and encouraged you for starting something. And that is where you have to train your brain to stay. In those moments.
Besides, your work is not you. You are just delivering something. Yes, it has meaning to you, but it’s not you. You are independent of your work. You are a wonderful human, who makes wonderful stuff (hashtag note-to-self). That’s it. If people don’t like your stuff, ask how to improve it, ask what they would need, just ask. And just continue to make your art.
Practical exercises
Speaking of art, I've found some practical exercises for your lovely self. I love Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic book and I think the exercises she proposes there are quite nice for you to actually do.
1. Letter to Fear
Sit down in a quite place, set a timer for 5 minutes, take a notebook and allow your fear to tell you a story (a letter), telling you exactly what it is afraid of. And you’ll listen with respect.
How to begin:
Dear (..your name..),
I am your Fear and this is what I want to tell you……..
After your time is up (or when you are finished) you will realize that the list you just wrote is not infinite and that it is not that scary to let it speak.
2. Write back to Fear from your highest Self, from the Potential that you are and from your highest Wisdom, write a respectful letter back.
Here is an example to inspire you from Elizabeth herself:
Dearest Fear,
Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together, I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I’m about to do anything interesting – and, may I say, you are super at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There’s plenty of room on this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way.
I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still – your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you’re not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed ot touch the road maps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”
I hope this piece of writing is bringing you some inspiration and practical exercises to deal with your struggles and your fight with your fear. And also I hope it gives you a little bit of magical power to be able to show the world how wonderful your art really is.
Resources
Audio: Creative Living Masterclass, see a video introduction here.
Books: Big Magic, Achievement Habit